Don't Go Near the Park
In the prehistory of man, 12,000 years ago, two members of a superhuman tribe abuse the treasured secret of eternal youth. They use the methods of ritual cannibalism on the children of their own tribe and when discovered by the 'Queen' of the tribe, they are cursed to an eternity of old age with no chance to ever die. Now, in present day Los Angeles, their only hope to recapture eternal youth is the ritualistic sacrifice of a 16-year-old female virgin. Their existence is discovered by an investigative reporter and a young runaway child and this leads to an unexplained and terrifying confrontation
Why it matters
A cult-flavored early ’80s monster mash that blends eternal youth curses with cannibalistic dread in a lurid Los Angeles setting.
- A rare indie horror bridging prehistoric myth and modern urban decay, pre-dating the ’80s obsession with ancient evils in cityscapes.
- Practical effects lean into body horror and grotesque aging, a testament to the era’s DIY creature craftsmanship despite budget limits.
- Notorious for its uneven pacing and tonal shifts, but the lurid atmosphere and bizarre premise offer a midnight movie vibe for fans of offbeat cult curiosities.
- Ideal for viewers who savor horror’s low-budget underbelly and enjoy digging through the genre’s forgotten corners for weird, wild rides.
Director
Cast
Horror DNA
Gore
85
Slow Burn
33
Psychological
14
Supernatural
40
Creature
0
Disturbing
100
Fun Factor
0
Cerebral
0
Survival
33
RitualSacrifice
